Parenting is a very great responsibility that we have to bear when we have kids. The family is regarded as the smallest unit of society, and society is just as good and great as the families in that society. Parents are expected to be the first teachers of kids and to continue to teach them till they are at least 18 years when they will officially have attained adulthood and be able to take responsibility for their actions. However, even after they clock 18, they would always need guidance from you and you don’t automatically hands-off, especially when they are still under your roof.
Many parents enjoy pampering their kids, which is good. However, in the process, they spoil the kids and they start to become a problem in the home, at school, and in their society. To avoid this, it is important to train your kids in such a way that they do not get spoilt. This article will discuss how to know you are spoiling your kids and how to train them properly before it becomes a problem.
When they still wee and poo on themselves at the age of 4
One of the first training we would have to teach our kids just as they are learning to walk and talk is how to indicate when they want to ease themselves. For the first months of their lives, we would have had to use diapers to collect their waste. The implication is that we have to always be sensitive to them to know when they have soiled themselves and to immediately change them. However, when they start to talk, we would want to let them know how to say that they need their potty to urinate or ease themselves. Since most children start talking (though not fluently) by 2, by the age of 3, they should already be getting close to being fluent and they should already be able to indicate that they want to ease themselves. Hence, if by the age of 4+, you are still wearing them diapers or they wee or poo on themselves in the night, it could be a sign that you are spoiling them. Before you know, they will already be 8 years or 12 years and they are still weeing on their selves when they sleep at night.
When they can’t greet at the age of 5
The act of greeting is generally a sign of respect and it is polite that an individual greets other people when they are in very close proximity of each other or when they have to relate. It is important that at a very early age, we teach our kids to greet properly. They should know when to say hello, hi, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. They should be able to initiate greetings and they should be able to reply to greetings appropriately. When they can’t greet either you or other people who come to visit or that they meet during their day, then it could be a sign that you are spoiling the child.
When they are rebellious
One of the habits that children can pick and you would wonder where they learned it from is rebellion. Even as adults, we do not like to be inconvenienced. Hence, it is only natural for most children to also sometimes refuse to do things when they feel inconvenienced. However, if it is something they are supposed to do and they are refusing, then you have to let them know that they have to do it. If, however, you let them be every time they behave rebelliously, it would be only a matter of time before they start becoming rebellious in school and other places they find themselves. With time, they will start getting rebellious to rules that do not suit them at school and even national rules. If you are not careful, you could be bringing up a child that will one day go to jail because they deliberately broke a rule. Hence, when your children behave rebelliously and you don’t correct them immediately, it is a sign that you are spoiling the child.
When they spoil things deliberately
Children can sometimes develop the habit of spoiling things. When it is as a result of curiosity, it is not too bad as curiosity is important in the learning process of kids as well as everyone else and it could someday lead them to become great problem solvers or inventors. However, even in this case, we should put them in check and let them know the right way to be curious about things and not to go about spoiling everything because they want to see what is inside, how it works, or because they want to learn to fix it. You don’t want a neighbor or the school to report that your child has spoilt something worth 100s of thousands of dollars, 10s of thousands of dollars, or even a few dollars and you have to pay for it. If spoiling things because of curiosity should be checked, you can imagine how much more you need to check it if your child enjoys spoiling things for no reason or out of anger. Some kids smash their toys, food, or other items they are holding on the floor out of anger spoiling them in the process. Even if the item doesn’t get spoilt, you should check that immediately. You don’t want to raise a child that will be abusive to other people who offend them, who have a short fuse, or who are hot-tempered. You will be putting other people who have to relate with them in the short and long run at risk including their siblings, friends, classmates, colleagues at work, their spouse, and their kids among others. Hence, when your child spoils things deliberately or starts exhibiting signs of destructive anger or hot temper, you should immediately correct them.
When they are lazy or procrastinate a lot
Another way you will know you are spoiling your child is when they are lazy or they procrastinate a lot. By the time your kids are 7, they should already have been doing house chores for some time, or at the very least they should have started. If you give them the task of keeping their rooms clean, doing the dishes, or other tasks, you should give them time to do the job as well. When you notice that they do not do the task on time or do not do the task at all, it simply means that they are lazy. You should immediately call them to order, otherwise, they could continue to get worse till it would affect their school and career, with the possibility that they would end up as non-achievers.
When they commit crimes
If you notice that your child is committing crimes, it is a sign that you are spoiling them if you do not immediately call them to order and stop them. You need to always check on your kids to be sure that they are doing the right things. When you notice that your kids are lying, you should correct them. If they come home for something that does not belong to them, you should find out how they got it. If you observe they had taken it without being given or without permission, then you must instruct them to return it. Failure to do this and you could be tolerating or raising a thief. The same applies to other bad habits like pornography. You should be close enough to your kids to know when they are doing something wrong and be able to correct them immediately.
Tips on not spoiling your child/correcting them when they go wrong
Some tips on how not to spoil your child as well as how to correct them when you notice that they are getting spoilt are discussed subsequently.
Being close to your kids
One of the ways you can prevent a situation where your kids will get spoilt is being close to your kids. When you are close to your kids, they will love you and they would respect you. They will also know that you love them as well. When your kids love you and feel loved, they would not want to hurt you. It will be easy for them to heed whatever you say and stick to your instructions. This way, they would strive to keep to the corrections and guidance you give them such that you will not find yourself doing a lot of correcting of bad actions. Even when you do, you won’t have to correct them more than once.
Talking to them
Another way you can prevent your kids from getting spoilt is by talking to them. Trying to stick to their level of understanding, you should tell them about life as well as what is good and what is bad. You don’t just tell them to do a thing or not to do a thing. You also tell them the reason. Kids love to experiment and when you tell them not to do a thing and you don’t give them a reason, they would want to know why you told them not to do it. But if you have given them a good reason why they should not do it, it will be easier for them to adhere to your instruction.
The reward system is another good and very important way of getting your kids to do the right thing. Whenever your kids do the right thing, you should get them a gift or other forms of reward. This will motivate them to continue to do those goods. The same should apply to when they did not do something wrong. This will also let them know that there is always a reward for doing good and being hardworking. Hence, they will stick to being good and hardworking. They will also get to enjoy the benefits of having good results in school to being able to secure their future either by getting a job or by delving into a business.
Punishment and flogging
Two of the other options that could be exploited in correcting a child is punishment and flogging. However, these 2 methods have been frowned at because it is seen as a form of child abuse. Even though it could be an effective way to keep a child from doing what you don’t want, it is not believed to be the right way. On the one part, the child could develop a serious inferiority complex, they could withdraw and be scared of you, depending on the level and way you apply these methods. Hence, the damage it could do to the psychology of a child makes it to be frowned at by many child activists and other authorities in charge of looking out for the welfare of children. Even though they could also learn that they would suffer for any wrong they do when they are punished or beaten, they could also get used to the punishments and beatings, and wouldn’t mind anymore. They could also start pretending when they are at home and when they go out where there is no one to punish or beat them, they will continue with their bad habits.
Combination of 2 or more of the methods above
Most parents are expected to combine more than one method to guide and correct their children. You could opt for the first 3 majorly being close to them, rewarding them, and talking to them. If punishment and flogging must be involved, it should be very minimal, the kids should know why they are being punished. It should also be done out of love and the child should see it as such as opposed to out of anger. With this, the child will get the message and know they are being corrected for their good, not because they are hated by their parents.
How online reviews can help you in knowing when your child is getting spoil and how to correct them
It will not be possible to exhaust every bad habit that a child could pick up when they are getting spoilt and how to directly correct them. However, when you read KidsHoo reviews and reviews of companies that sell kids products and provide children-related services on platforms like collected.reviews, you will be able to read from other parents about their different experiences in training their children, bad traits their children developed, and how they corrected the child among others.